Several years ago I answered the phone to a teary-voiced grandchild … mourning a lost love and a first broken heart. Let’s be honest here: There’s nothing quite as sad as a first broken heart. I felt that familiar pain, renewed after decades, reminding me of my own young love and making it easy to truly sympathize.
The difference is, a lifetime later, I know that first pain fades and true love finds its way into your soul — often after several more heartaches. But my knowledge, I knew, wouldn’t ease the pain for Lizzie. How could I help her dry her tears and recognize there’s a better love out there? Then, it came to me!
Dating is like trying on shoes!
Imagine you are in a BIG shoe store. We’re talking about a DSW or Shoe Carnival-sized store. You wander the aisles, easily passing shoe after shoe. You barely glance at most. A few catch your eye. Even fewer have you stopping to take a closer look.
It’s the same with potential dates. Most go by unnoticed. Every now and then one gets a second glance. Occasionally, you say, “hi,” but that’s it. You begin to develop a “style.” Who is attractive? Who do you want to get to know better? These are the “shoes” you pick up and maybe even try on.
As often as not, you lace them up and walk up and down the aisle (kinda like a first date), and realize that’s not the one for you. You gently replace the shoes in the box and move on, leaving them for the next person.
Then there are the shoes you take home. You wear them for a season (or maybe just a special event), but they are not your go-to shoes. These are the dates that turn into relationships. You may stay together for a month or two … maybe even a little longer. As their usefulness and comfort fade, you think, “dang, I liked those shoes.” But they just don’t match your lifestyle as you outgrow them. You’re a little sad to see them go, but you move on.
Finally, there’s that one pair you love. I mean really, really LOVE! You wear them all the time. You might even go back and get a second (or third) pair so when they wear out you have the same shoe on the closet shelf. You can’t imagine life without them.
It takes a lot of time to find that perfect shoe (partner). You may go through dozens of shoes over many years. Tastes change. Lifestyles change. It’s the same with dates. Some find the perfect shoes after just one or two tries, and that’s okay, too.
Lizzie felt a little better after we talked. Her tween-aged heart was on the mend. She’s in high school now and calmly and rationally checking out all the “shoes” at her school and beyond — Well, as calmly and rationally as a teenager can. She’s tried on a pair or two and even taken a couple home. She’s not really even looking for her forever shoes, yet. (Thank goodness!)
She knows there’s a whole world out there just waiting to be explored and at this point in her life it’s too soon to explore it with just one pair.
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